


The Life He Never Knew He Wanted

by Fujiwara_no_Seimei



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte
Genre: Bodyswap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-21
Updated: 2010-08-21
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujiwara_no_Seimei/pseuds/Fujiwara_no_Seimei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Nishihiro and Tajima switch bodies and Nishihiro doesn't want to switch back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Life He Never Knew He Wanted

"So it wasn't only me," Nishihiro said, fingers pinching nervously at the edge of a shirt that was not his, but somehow, under current circumstances, _was._  
"I think I might have freaked out your grandparents," Tajima said.

No one on the team ever had to say it, but somehow they all knew.  When something goes really bad, just get your ass to the field, and somehow, whatever you need will be there.

And now, at that very sacred place and some ungodly hour of the morning, Tajima Yuuichiro and Nishihiro Shintaro stood looking at one another– looking at their own bodies through one another's eyes.

"I had a good idea of where I was pretty quickly," Nishihiro said with Tajima's voice.  "I got out without disturbing anyone.  Left a note that I –_you _– were leaving early."  
Tajima frowned.  It was very like Nishihiro to be so quick-thinking, even when inhabiting another boy's body.  Tajima himself had not been quite so smart about the whole thing.  
"Your grandparents were up.  I don't think they understood what I was yelling about, though," Tajima said, with some embarrassment. "I'm sorry."  
"Don't worry about that now," Nishihiro said.  "Let's... just decide what to do about it."  
"No one would believe us if we tried to tell them," Tajima murmured.  
"No," Nishihiro said, "but keeping it a secret...it's gonna be...I mean, haven't you noticed...your body...?"  
"Yeah, I tripped over my own feet when I tried to get up this morning.  Your muscles are completely different from mine."  
"Right.  So when 'Tajima' can't even hit a ball in practice?"  
"Damn," Tajima said.  
They stood in silence for a minute, unsure of how they could possibly face the rest of the day in bodies they could barely control.  But at that moment, fate intervened for them.

"What are you guys doing here?" Hamada beamed.  
"Eh?  What are _you_ doing here?" 'Nishihiro' belted.  The real Nishihiro grimaced.  He wasn't sure how Tajima could stand to be so _rude_.  
Hamada looked rightfully perplexed, but didn't say what was on his mind, instead opting to simply answer the inquiry.  
"I'm joining the team today.  As a real member."

-+-+-+-

Best they tried to hide it, everyone could clearly tell that something was wrong.  Even though they had tried to be inconspicuous, 'Tajima' was far more reserved (and far more clumsy) than he ever was, while 'Nishihiro' was more than a degree too...well...outspoken.  Luckily for them, the announcement of the fact that Hamada was a real teammate now had attracted most of the attention of the day.  Except for Hanai, who's eyes were fixed on Nishihiro, in Tajima's body of course, for most of the practice.

Nishihiro didn't mind this at all.

"Swing like you mean it!" 'Nishihiro' belted at 'Tajima.' "Act like you know you're going to hit it and you will."  
At that encouragement, Nishihiro cracked into his first ball of the morning, and Mihashi, after ducking on the mound, marvelled at the hit.  
'Tajima' himself did, too.  
Despite the spectacles they put on, they got off with a stiff warning from Momokan that amounted to "Either cut it out, whatever you two are doing, or go see the nurse and sit out afternoon practice."

They would certainly have preferred the former, if only they knew how, but were happy to settle for the latter, given those parameters.

-+-+-+-

Nishihiro, once having grasped Tajima's schedule and learned to fight the muscle memory that pointed him toward his own classroom, spent the day laying out a plan of action.  The first thing he'd have to deal with, he realized– if the constant, uninhibited staring was any indication– was Mihashi.  
Sure enough, when lunchtime rolled around, Mihashi was quick to push a chair next to Nishihiro's– necessarily, _Tajima's_– desk.  
"Is Tajima-kun...okay...today?" he asked.  
"Ah," he said, in as bright a voice as he could manage with those foreign vocal chords. "I'm fine, really!"  
"You forgot your lunch?" he went on, avoiding eye contact, thumb toying with the clasp of his bento.  
"Oh, yeah... I guess I did," replied, feigning a chuckle.  
At that, Mihashi pushed the bento box towards Nishihiro.  
"You can share mine," he said, and he raised his eyes to his classmate. "Just...don't tell...Abe-kun."  
Nishihiro nodded. Usually he wouldn't accept such charity from a boy with a body nearly skinner than his– well, his _usual_– body, but normally he wouldn't be in a position to need to.  Right now, he was starving.  
"I won't tell, either," Mihashi said.  
Nishihiro didn't realize what he'd meant by this, but would understand later that he grossly underestimated Mihashi's observation abilities.

-+-+-+-

When afternoon practice came, it was clear to Nishihiro, within minutes, that Tajima had made a confidant of Oki.  Fair enough, he thought, since assuming Tajima could handle a whole day in a foreign classroom on his own would clearly be assuming too much.

Nishihiro learned how to handle his new body quickly.  By the end of that practice, he was landing his hits almost as well as the real Tajima.  And it was invigorating.  Electric.  The praise was glorious, but what really got him, really made his skin tingle, was the way his muscles burned.  Fascinating.  Magical.

-+-+-+-

"This sucks," Tajima said, as they walked their bikes home– to Nishihiro's home, to be exact, in order to assess any damage that Tajima might have done in the morning.  
"Well, sorry," Nishihiro said.  
"Your body needs some work," Tajima went on, not having picked up on the prickled  offense in Nishihiro's voice.  He rotated a shoulder with a wince.  "I almost broke it."  
Nishihiro wasn't quite sure how to respond to that idea with anything other than complete mortification.  
"P...please don't," he finally mumbled.

It turned out that little damage was done that morning at all.  Nishihiro's family was quite pleased that he'd brought a friend home, and all Tajima needed to do to correct things was apologize to Nishihiro's grandparents for startling them in the morning. Said he'd had a bad dream.

"It's cool that you've got your own room," Tajima said as he kicked his feet on the bed, watching his body lay out a futon.  
"I wish I had siblings closer to my age, though" Nishihiro said.  
"Ah, Tajima replied dismissively, "Older brothers suck no matter what."  
Nishihiro cringed again, still unused to hearing crude words come out in his voice.  
"But you know what doesn't suck about your body?" Tajima asked, with all the considerateness of, well, _Tajima_.  Nishihiro braced for the answer.  
"Your dick is huge!"  
Nishihiro almost, _almost,_ fell over, but caught himself.   
"D...don't look at it!" he cried.  
"What, you saying you haven't looked at mine?"  
"No!" he cried. "No more than was necessary to use the toilet!"  
"Oh," Tajima said, finally realizing that what he'd done wasn't normal.  "Sorry.  I kinda jerked off in the bathroom during lunch.  Guess that's kinda weird."  
This time Nishihiro did fall to his knees, absolutely mortified.  Tajima was... doing things? Like _that_?  With _his_ body?  And he'd thought this was _okay_?  
"You should try it," he went on, "before this gets fixed.  Feels totally weird!"  
Nishihiro felt sick, but he wasn't sure if it was at the prospect of masturbating another boy with another boy's hands, or if it was at the thought of _this getting fixed_– returning to that weak, talentless, unattractive body he once called his own.

-+-+-+-

Nishihiro had always been a gentle soul, quiet and studious and generally laid-back but accepting of what came to him.  But there was something about being in Tajima's body– maybe it was the testosterone levels or something– that made him just a little bit bolder.  Gave him more nerve.  More attitude.  More confidence.

Their first practice game in their new bodies was agony for Tajima.  He was praised for his superb base coaching, but couldn't stand sitting out of the batting order.  The presence of Hamada, having switched in during the second half, relegated Mizutani to the spot on the bench next to him.

"Nishihiro?" Mizutani asked nervously.  
"Yeah?" Tajima said, now quite accustomed to responding to the name.  
"Things have been a little weird since yesterday, don't you think?"  
Tajima tried to consider how Nishihiro would have answered, but his brain was too fried from having done just that for the past 38 hours, so he just gave up.  He didn't consider Mizutani bright enough to be a threat to their secret anyway.  
"How's that?"  
"Like, Tajima's been really polite lately.  And Abe's been... I dunno... gentler... with Mihashi.  And have you seen Izumi?  It looks like his freckles are disappearing."  
"Can that even happen?" Tajima balked.  
"I was going to ask you, since you know so much about biology."  
Heat rose to Tajima's– necessarily, _Nishihiro's_– face.  It was nice to not be treated like an idiot.  Even more, something he'd always wished for, but never thought possible, since his stupid act was so ingrained into his character.  
"I don't know, though," he finally murmured.  
"Hmm," Mizutani hummed.  Maybe it's a full moon or some-" and then he was cut off by the crack of a bat and a subsequent murmur of awe in the dugout.

Hanai had hit a home run.  His _first_ home run.

-+-+-+-

That night, Nishihiro stood in the unfamiliar bathroom that belonged to his borrowed body, consciously willing himself to avoid a certain temptation that had nagged at him for nigh on 24 hours.  
"Don't look. Don't touch.  Don't look. Don't-" he willed, as he turned on the shower.  Decidedly, to _cold_.  "Don't..." He knew, in his foreign heart, that it was a losing battle since Tajima mentioned it, nay, suggested it.  He looked down with some resignation, and his– more accurately– _Tajima's_ cock was jerking to life in spite of the cold water.  
Nishihiro sighed and took it in his hands after turning the water back to a more agreeable temperature.  It was as strange as he'd thought it would be, but not nearly as unpleasant.  Quite the contrary, in fact.  He was quick and hard and guilty with the act, glancing at himself in the mirror, occasionally, for an additional jolt of arousal.  He'd certainly never imagined that watching a teammate jerk off would be so God damned hot, but that was essentially what he was doing, and it was.  
As orgasm rocked his body, from his fingers to his curling toes, he cursed quietly in Tajima's voice.  When the last wave shuddered through his hips, he immediately began berating himself– _how could you, that was disgusting, what were you thinking_– and hosed down the wall with the shower head.  
When he returned to Tajima's bedroom, Tajima was grinning with _his_ face.  
"You were in there a while," Tajima said, suggestively.  
"Please, don't," Nishihiro said, with a sigh.  
"So you did it?" he went on, eagerly. "Wasn't it cool?"  
Nishihiro shivered. "I don't want to talk about it," he said.  
Tajima shrugged. "Fine." He wriggled under the covers of the futon.   
"So how are we gonna fix this?"  
"Fix?" Nishihiro said, almost incredulously.  
"Yes, _fix_," Tajima replied, a little annoyed. "Like, it's nice that everyone thinks I'm smart and all, but I do want my body back."

Fix?  Did this need to be fixed?

"But we don't have the first idea of how we got this way, let alone how to reverse it," he said, ignoring his last thought.  
"Mihashi does," Tajima said.  
"What?"  Nishihiro's borrowed eyes grew wide.  
"Mihashi emailed me.  He said he thinks he knows what happened."  
"Oh..." Nishihiro said. This was a good thing, right?  
"We can talk to him after practice.  Says he's got an idea."  
"Ah," Nishihiro said.

It took a long while for NIshihiro to get to sleep that night.  He wasn't sure that he wanted this fixed at all, and felt insurmountably guilty because of it.

-+-+-+-

As suspected, Mihashi was waiting for Nishihiro and Tajima after morning practice the next day.  Nishihiro didn't expect Abe to be with him, though.  
"You both know?" he asked.  "I thought..." he began, realizing that Mihashi's "I won't tell" meant "I won't tell that I know you're not actually Tajima."  
"I'm sorry, I had...to tell him..." Mihashi apologized.  
"It's okay," Nishihiro assured. "Tajima said you...know...what happened?"  
Mihashi fidgeted a little. "Um.  On New Years.  I...made...my wish..." he was turning pink in the face, and shrinking a little, so Abe took over.  
"We both wished.  For the same thing.  That we could be..."  
It was then that Nishihiro noticed that the two of them were holding hands, tightly, and not in a meditative way.  
"You two..." Tajima said.  
"I- I think!  If you-" Mihashi began, but halted when he spotted Hanai coming towards them.  
"Tajima! I need to talk to you!"  
"I..." Nishihiro began, "right now, I..."  
"It's important.  Please," Hanai said.  
Nishihiro cast a worried glance at the others, before turning back to Hanai.  
"S...sure..." he said.

As Hanai led them to the now-empty club room, Nishihiro wondered if this was just another perk that came with being Tajima– Hanai's attention.  He'd always wanted it, but considering it way too far out of his league, he'd never dwelled on it.  
Hanai shut the door, and turned, taking a deep breath behind closed eyes.  
Suddenly, Nishihiro felt wrong.  Like he was betraying someone, by being here.  Like he should definitely _not_ be here, _not_ be listening to what Hanai was about to say.  Because it was not meant for his ears.  
"I need to...tell you something, Tajima."  
As Hanai looked up at him, those ears burned.  
"H...Hanai-kun... before..." Nishihiro bit out, desperately, but Hanai put a hand up to silence him.  
"Even though... I'm really concerned with your attitude lately...and..._what's with the honorifics all of a sudden_?  I... I promised myself.  So I have to do this now. I promised that when I hit my first home run, I would tell you."  
Hanai was moving toward him now.  He looked at Nishihiro, into Tajima's wide, brown eyes, and he grit his teeth as he searched for the right words.

_This is your last chance, Nishihiro,_ he thought.  _You can still get out.  Still make this right._  
But then Hanai's hands were in his, and his face closing the distance between them.    
Nishihiro gasped against the hard, chapped lips of his captain.  His brain melted, and when his muscles followed suit, Hanai collected him in his arms, pushing the kiss farther, deeper.  Nishihiro wanted to kiss back, but was incapable of moving.  
When Hanai pulled away, he whispered, "Tajima, you make me crazy.  You make me angry, and I'm so jealous of you, and I don't understand why but I want you.  Every day I want you.  You're so wild and fantastic and I-" he choked back tears just a little, "God, Tajima, please, please be with me.  I'm going crazy like this."  
Tears began falling from Nishihiro's eyes.  Down across a freckled nose and tanned cheeks that didn't belong to him.

None of this belonged to him.

Damn Tajima.  Why did he get everything?

He dug his fingers into Hanai's back, and kissed Hanai's neck, and Hanai, desperate and fierce, kissed back, rough lips on the skin of his face, his neck, his collarbone.  Their tongues crashed together, and Nishihiro made a noise, a whimper, because as much as he wanted this, we knew, he knew how wrong it was. He knew this wasn't his to have.  It all made sense now, and he didn't want it to.

He didn't want it to make sense.  Because that meant he knew it was wrong and was letting it happen anyway.  He wanted to let Hanai kiss him.  Wanted to be in this body forever.  This body that granted him power, attractiveness, talent, confidence, and love.

But they weren't his.  He was taking them, stealing them from their rightful owner.  And he might, just might have overlooked it.  Might have taken them anyway, if it wasn't for this one thing.

If he wasn't lying to the boy he loved so much, simply by being loved back by him.

"Hanai," Nishihiro said, resolve tested a final time when Hanai soundly ignored him, hiking up his shirt and lapping at the place where his ear met his neck with his tongue.  
"_Hanai_," he repeated, more forcefully, pushing him away.  Hanai looked up, hazy with passion, and blinked a few times.  
"Ta...jima?"  
"Pl...please.   You need to let me go."  
"Tajima, you're crying? Hanai squeaked, sober now.  
Nishihiro shook his head. "Don't...worry about it...just...let me give you an answer tomorrow...okay, just..." and he wrested his hands from Hanai's and made for the door.  
He turned when he reached it, looked at Hanai, who was red-faced and open-mouthed, and he said, "Did you... ask for that home-run?  On new years?"  
Hanai nodded.

 

-+-+-+-

"I wished to be the type of person Hanai would notice," Nishihiro said, nervously. "At the Hikawa Shrine."  
Tajima bit his lip. "I wished for people to think I was smart.  I also went to the Hikawa shrine.  With Hanai."  
"Who wished for his home run," Abe added.  
"I went...to Hikawa...with...Hamada," Mihashi said.  " He...must have wished for his elbow to get better."

Nishihiro hung his head.

Why did it have to be this way?

"You think if we go back to the shrine... we can switch back?" he said.  
"M...maybe?" Mihashi said.

This was it.  This was over now.

"Come on, let's take care of this," Tajima said, pulling on Nishihiro's arm.

-+-+-+-

Nishishiro almost didn't get out of bed the next morning.  These were his hands, this was his bed.  These were his tears.

"_I'm so much smarter than you, Tajima_," he had cried at the gate of the shrine. "I've tried to do everything the way I was supposed to.  Why don't I deserve all the things you've got?"  
Tajima had no idea how to respond, besides stammering, "You...you're gonna give it back, right?"

He had been so cruel to Tajima in the moments that led up to their prayers for reversal.  He cried about how unfair it was, how Tajima got the praise, the power, and Hanai's love.

"Hanai loves me?"  
"I don't want to give him to you.  I don't! In my own body, he'll never, ever..."

Nishihiro had been hysterical.  The shrine visitors were all staring, murmuring.

Tajima had hugged him, pet his hair hard and tried to hold down his shuddering sobs.  
"Nishihiro...please.  You're wonderful.  You are.  Please...

"Please let me have my life back."

And Nishihiro had, because that's the kind of person he was.

But he went to school anyway.  Mihashi looked relieved to see Nishihiro acting like Nishihiro, and Hanai failed to hide his own relief when Tajima, now the real Tajima, smacked him hard on the ass and flashed him a wide, Tajima-like grin.

This was the way it was.  Tajima got his wonderful, beautiful life, and Nishihiro got...what?  An interruption of his thoughts, it turned out, stemming from a small ruckus erupting in the dugout.

"Cute?"  Izumi balked.  
"Well, yeah.  I think freckles are cute," Hamada said.  
"But you said... in middle school you said..." Izumi panciked.  
"What? Cause I teased you about your stupid freckles?  What the hell? I made fun of your freckles because I liked yo- _them_.  Because I liked _them_!"  Hamda's face turned red.

After having seen enough of Izumi's lamenting, Nishihiro suggested he go to the Hikawa shrine and ask for them back.

-+-+-+-

Nishihiro arrived at his classroom early, somehow.  He stood, looking out the window at the morning sun, feeling empty.  Feeling hollow.  He heard someone enter- heard the slide of the door, heard it close, heard shuffling footsteps, but didn't pay them any mind.

Not until they grew closer, not until warm, thick hands were on his back.

"Oki-kun?"    
When he turned around, he was sure he could see a hint of tears in Oki's eyes.  
"I'm really glad..." he whispered, "I'm so glad you're back."

"Was Tajima that annoying as a classmate?" Nishihiro said.

Oki blinked.  "Sure. Yeah."

Oki laughed a little as he made his way back to his own desk.  Oki was an obvious person, but Nishihiro was not a very observant one.

Despite a seemingly perfect life, there were things Tajima would never have.

One day, Oki would prove that to Nishihiro.

One day, he'd make him realize that the life he had was the one he never knew he wanted all along.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic just about killed me. Bodyswap is really hard to write, as is Nishihiro, which is why I thought this would be an amazing challenge. IT WAS. T_T


End file.
